"Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community -- it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.
"My understanding is that it is virtually -- not completely, but virtually -- impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex...very rarely [transmitted].
"What's the average lifespan of a homosexual? It's very short. Google it yourself."
Did Paula Deen ever, ever once claim to be a role model in health and nurtition? Ever? "Witnesses say there were also french fries on her plate." Fuck off with this shit.
When my sister and I were really young and really bored, we found a record inside the giant stack that was the Sunday paper. The record was a flimsy thing, barely a record at all. On it was a song of the McDonalds menu:
The premise was that if you knew all the words to this song, you could potentially win a million dollars. This was all my younger sibling and I needed to hear. We were going to be rich!
We sat down and started and stopped the needle on that records dozens and dozens of times, writing down the lyrics. It took hours. We were driven, our eyes on that million dollar prize.
Finally, after much work, we'd gotten down all the lyrics. By then, we nearly had the song memorized. We took the record off the player, flipped it over, and saw all the words to the song printed out in plain text.
No matter. Because that morning spent on the floor with paper and pencils and a record from the newspaper resulted in a life-long impression of this song.
I know every word. My sister knows every word. Sometimes we sing it to each other.
It's a showstopper, let me tell you. I sang it one silly evening to a previous boyfriend's sister-in-law, and once I was finished, she turned to him, mouth agape and said, "Marry her."
No, they didn't. No, they fucking didn't, you shitty, shitty snark machine. I'm not saying pity them, I'm saying putting words in their mouths is wrong and weak and lazy and shall I go on?
