Sparkwood & 21

These Links Got Dumped

Internet ephemera from today:

Tourist Trapped: Ferry Building Farmers Market

Beth and I went to the Ferry Building, ate sugar and made jokes. Then she wrote about it, I got namechecked. Life goal come true. Suck it, Gate commenters.

Going Halfsies

This seems like one of those well-meaning ideas that is too gimmicky for everyone's good. But what do I know?

‘Portraits’ are ‘emerging’ all the time in the New York Times

Revelation of a Times-specific cliche. Journalist cliches are fun to spot, fun to list. See also "The White Stuff" and "Words We Don't Say"

To My Old Master

"Here is the bill for my slave labor!" The humor and awesomeness of this is almost too much for me to take.

The Customer Isn't Always Right

The idiot and danger to people everywhere that I reference here was refused service at a restaurant due to his bigoted beliefs. 

UPS Delivery Fail. Home Security Camera Win.

She's so close! Three more steps!

Man Struck, Killed After Car Impounded

Forcing innocent passengers to walk home in the dark on a freeway. Man is hit by car, dies. Shit's fucked up.

Diet Coke at the Coffee Shop

They make a hell of a cappuccino, but I get the drip coffee. I can't stand to sit while the barista talks visas with the plump Brazilian, her conversation taking precedence over my nearly $5 drink. I get the drip. 

Which is why it is surprising that I see her there so often; the window is so small. 

Sometimes she, too, buys a drip coffee. But she always buys Diet Cokes.

"Two of these, please." Her hands are spindly and unsteady. They stutter in her satchel for money she knew she'd need.

"Just two today? Not three." The young man's voice behind the counter was playful, teasing, as if was her big brother.

"Just two." She said it to him by barely cracking her mouth, but her eyes were a flurry. "Just these." 

"No coffee?" He kept on. 

She's so small. Her elbow-length, nubby, fingerless knit gloves slide around straw arms. She could walk further, to a groceria or a corner store, but it's so cold.

The time before she hoisted three cans of sweaty, silver Diet Coke on the counter and began rolling dollar bills out of her pockets. 

"All three of these?" The young woman behind the counter said it so innocently. "Together that will be $4.50."

Every one in the shop knew that was a ludicrous price to pay for three cans of Diet Coke, chilled or not. Close or not.

The tiny woman slid soft, frayed money across the counter, pushing the bills into the condensation made on the counter by the cans of diet soda.

She tipped loudly with the change made.

Quote Time

"Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community -- it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.

"My understanding is that it is virtually -- not completely, but virtually -- impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex...very rarely [transmitted].

"What's the average lifespan of a homosexual? It's very short. Google it yourself."

-TN State Rep. Stacey Campfield, idiot and danger to people everywhere

Linky Loos, From Me to You

Here. I had nowhere else to put these:

Apple’s Packaging Is So Good Because It Employs a Dedicated Box Opener

I am OCD enough for this job. I want this job.

Con Artist Starred in Sting That Cost Google Millions

Wearing leg irons!

Erica Jong on the poet Anne Sexton

This.

"The real marriage of true minds is..."

WANT

Chef Paula Deen caught eating giant burger

Did Paula Deen ever, ever once claim to be a role model in health and nurtition? Ever? "Witnesses say there were also french fries on her plate." Fuck off with this shit.

19th St at Noe.

This is ornate in the best possible way.

Google Earth Gets Better Looking

I has a byline.

My Very Favorite Drunken Bar Trick

When my sister and I were really young and really bored, we found a record inside the giant stack that was the Sunday paper. The record was a flimsy thing, barely a record at all. On it was a song of the McDonalds menu:

The premise was that if you knew all the words to this song, you could potentially win a million dollars. This was all my younger sibling and I needed to hear. We were going to be rich!

We sat down and started and stopped the needle on that records dozens and dozens of times, writing down the lyrics. It took hours. We were driven, our eyes on that million dollar prize.

Finally, after much work, we'd gotten down all the lyrics. By then, we nearly had the song memorized. We took the record off the player, flipped it over, and saw all the words to the song printed out in plain text.

No matter. Because that morning spent on the floor with paper and pencils and a record from the newspaper resulted in a life-long impression of this song.

I know every word. My sister knows every word. Sometimes we sing it to each other.

It's a showstopper, let me tell you. I sang it one silly evening to a previous boyfriend's sister-in-law, and once I was finished, she turned to him, mouth agape and said, "Marry her."

It really is that good.

[Found thanks to Kayhan's Google+ post.]

Shit San Franciscans Say Inexplicably Missing Riff on "Locally Sourced"

Not great, not horrible:

Notable hehs:

-I'm sure I have something for you in my drag bag

-So, I found this great cleanse, but you can drink on it

-What is that? Mascara?

-This coffee tastes like retail

(Yesterday's) Link Dump, Yo

Leftovers from yesterday's tube trip:

I'm Comic Sans, Asshole

Soooo good, and long overdue.

Cartoon of the Day

This appeals to me as it includes things I know and enjoy.

Process This Negative With Your Brain

Tripped my shit right out.

Nautical Disaster

Burrito Justice is the best Bay Area history blogger.

Google to Users: You Can't Opt Out

I has a byline.

Saturday Snaps: A Road Trip Photo Trip

Link Dump + Pithy Commentary

Today's tube jaunt yielded the following stand-outs:

Tourist Trapped: Candlestick Park

My roommate was at the Niners game. She wrote about it, then people lambasted her in the comments. She's a treasure; see why.

Psychedelic mushroom trips point to new depression drugs

Duuuuude. I no longer take Prozac every day. Definitely thinking that a daily dose of shrooms is in order. 

Focus on the User

If my Google searches are limited by who is in my circles then I am truly fucked.

Google's New Plan to Annoy You into Complying

I want validation, not to give it.

Edge Rank

The secret to what you see on FB.

Pouring And Holding And Drinking and Thirst

"And a cup’s only a cup because of pouring and holding and drinking and thirst."

A Better Book Title

Yep.

Current Nicknames Applied to Me by my Bevy of Beautiful Friends

• Scoop Gilbert
• BG
• BGil
• G Unit
• G String
• Beej
• The BLG