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December 30, 2013

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Well-written confession, BG, but you take it all on yourself, when really the world roundly deserves to be exposed in the light of individual intelligences. You have the character you have; and I suspect you would be most uncomfortable being the firebrand and lightning rod that I am. Sustaining relationships DO make people pull punches, for the reasons you articulated well. How can even the best songwriter write another hit love song when he has been married to the same woman for decades? But most of the world is outside the gambit of the personal relationships we fear we will wither without, providing plenty of subject matter, even though exploratory surgery on a living thing is risky business. In pursuit of the Muse, it can be very lonely at the top.

same here. i've been thinking of writing anonymously, putting those stories out there but without the names attached, just to get them out there, because i don't know how to do it without breaking hearts - even if i were the best writer in the world, i don't think i could tell these stories without someone getting hurt.

2014 i want to try to figure this out.

love to you, and your bravery.

I beg pardon in advance for my appearance here and the strong positions I take hereby, coming as they do out of the proverbial blue.

You write:

"I battle this every day, this not saying the things I want to say."

I suggest that fighting this battle yet more, instead of declaring it won and proceeding accordingly, might just kill you… so I indulge in hyperbole, but not much.

You berate yourself for cowardice because you hold back from writing the truth in your own words - damned categorically good words, in fact - but I'm compelled to think that the really terrifying truth is not in your words, or in your stories.

Instead, that truth manifests in the consequences of your words and the stories they tell, of learning beyond a doubt who cares and who merely thinks of you as a prop to their ego, who is honest enough with themselves (and you, ultimately) to warrant your high regard and who is best left in your wake… however painful that leaving might be.

I, for one, believe that you have that purportedly mythical courage, and always have. All that's left, then, is one question:

Is there anything you want more than to show it?

Finally: it's natural that you want to respect the wishes for privacy of the people you care about. I would like to think that those same people understand and accept that your ideal degree of privacy is… often not as high as theirs. (I would also like to fart in the general direction of anyone who doesn't believe that you're worth the forbearance, however judgmental that desire might be.)

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