Things I Ate Last Night That Would Have Shocked My Parents Had You Told Them This 25 Years Ago
- duck liver pate
- blood sausage
- cured tuna heart
- chicories
- lardo
- poached duck egg
- wilted grass
- birdseed
Things I Ate Last Night That Would Have Shocked My Parents Had You Told Them This 25 Years Ago
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*People are not things.
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I called the other night to ask a question and to order a new check card and the call took 29 minutes, and I was put on hold 7 times. I asked that the check card be expedited, paid extra to have that done, but was told I had to sign for an expedited card. Took a personal day so that I could be here to get it. Called SunTrust to get the tracking number, as I was told to do by another employee. First woman gave me a tracking number that I suppose she pulled out of her ass, because it did not exist. Called a second time and was transferred to Hartford, a third party company, who could not help me because they only deal with credit cards. Not debit cards. Hung up, called a third time to be told that only one person in all the SunTrustLand had the tracking number, and "she isn't at her desk right now." After asking if that was a joke, I was transferred to a supervisor who then informed me that the check card was sent regular mail. I had taken the day off for nothing. He then told me the card would arrive on Monday, but that he made a note that I wouldn't have to sign for it, which was an option I was told was impossible just days earlier.
This is just one story out of a handful. Trust me on this: if there is a way fuck it up, SunTrust will do so with gusto.
2. Antiquated web banking
You cannot transfer money from your checking account to someone else's, even if you have the routing numbers for both. Any bank will allow you to do this. Not SunTrust.
3. Phone operators lazy/ignorant
If you call, expect to be put on hold around six or seven times. You will talk to at least two people, if not a completely third party company who will then tell you that they don't deal with your issue, and that you were put through to them unnecessarily.
4. Lack of communication throughout company
Just because one person tells you something, doesn't mean they made a note or told anyone else. It's as if everyone is working independent of each other. No cohesive information across the system whatsoever. Your outcome will depend on who you talk to and what they know. Which very well might be nothing.
5. Liars
I have thrice been told I would receive something in the mail that I'd requested only to find out the order was never placed. Like, at all.
6. Their Ability to Suck is Wide-Reaching
I am not the only one who has suffered: http://www.suntrustbankingsucks.com/
7. Arrogance
They say they are sorry. But they are not sorry. If they were sorry they would improve. They would strive for excellence. Instead they are just as happy to pass you off to someone ELSE who doesn't have a clue.
Breaking up with your bank can be really, really hard. SunTrust knows this. They must, otherwise they would actually give a shit about what they do. Instead, they act as though they are dealing with fake Monopoly money and that this is not people's livelihoods we are talking about here.
The number of times I have been screwed by these people can only be blamed on me, for putting up with it for so long, but rest assured that you should never, ever open up a banking account with SunTrust, or woe be unto you. You will suffer, and suffer mightily. And wait on hold. And be lied to. And take days off for no fucking reason. And generally stew in SunTrust's unabashed disrespect for their customers.
Avoid SunTrust if you don't like headaches, unfair fees, blistering ignorance or rampant incompetence in your life.
Credit union, credit union, credit union.
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This morning I walked out the door, late, and down the sloping hill to look for a bus. Instead I found my boyfriend. Running in to him at a bus stop unexpectedly is like going to work and finding your desk covered with cupcakes. With pink sprinkles.
After a ride six blocks, I left him on the bus, and boarded a BART train. I watched a woman French braid her own hair, something I have never even been able to do to anyone else, much less myself. A young boy with a European accent I couldn't place explained to another young boy what Berkeley was like: "Young students, people in flowing clothes, revolutionaries and poets, bums."
After exiting the train car I swooped around a mother and her three children who were all holding hands, walking four abreast. I was too irritated by their blocking of pedestrian traffic and toddler-pace that I failed to find it cute. Even though it was.
At Pine and Front a cop car screamed up, slid to a stop, and an officer climbed out. A man in the middle of the intersection pointed to the northeast corner, where I finally saw what the police were there for. A woman, screaming, her legs maybe broken, or, just, somehow not near her, in a lump in the street. Officers attempted to pull her out of the road. Her face was twisted, and she howled. My walk light turned white, and I had to go. Attempts to look back on the scene were obscured by hurried pedestrians and darting cars.
A man told me he liked my coat.
I arrived a good half hour behind schedule.
UPDATE: This comment from the very boyfriend I ran into this morning deserves front page status:
I’m glad that you wrote this because after you got off the bus, I had an amazing rest of my trip.First, I get a seat and sit with my crutches in front of me. As you know, it was a crowded bus. As the middle-aged man in the aisle did not know, my crutches are not a reliable thing to hold on to. The bus pulled away and he nearly fell over as my crutches and I were unprepared to bear his weight.
Then, the larger gentlemen next to me starts complaining about something I don’t understand, and appears to be talking to me. Finally I get it: something smells like garlic and he is displeased. “I don’t mind it, garlic,” he says, “but not first thing in the morning!”
A few stops later a cane-wielding middle aged black guy and an elderly Hispanic woman are both aiming for the one remaining seat in the front of the bus. He asks if she’s going to sit there, and she replies (in Spanish) “I am going to sit there, but I am in pain and moving slowly.” He sits down and says to her, “This is America, lady. I don’t speak Spanish. Here in America, we speak English! Am I right?”
A few moments later my garlic-obsessed friend leans over and says “Spanish is our second language, isn’t it?” I nod in non-official agreement.
Same friend has a buddy named Charles a few seats over. At 7th and Mission, they stand up and exclaim “Heading off! Out of the way please!” as they move towards the front of the bus. When people aren’t moving out of their way (both Charles and my friend are large gentlemen), my pal starts shouting “Let us offboard and then you all can board. Are you too stupid to understand that?”
One of the boarders in question, clearly with a better grasp of Muni etiquette, states loudly “Are you too stupid to get off in the back?” To which guy replies “We’re elderly! We get off in the front!” and she replies “Y’all ain’t elderly, y’all is just high.” Good times. I was laughing. Neither Charles nor my garlic-in-the-morning-loathing compatriot appeared to be much older than 50 or so.
I love the 14, particularly the 14L.
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