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December 13, 2004


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after working in a restaurant for four years, as a host, server, or bartender, this has become one of my major pet peeves. while hosting, my insides would absolutely cringe every time i asked how someone was doing, and some smart aleck responded: twenty six for dinner, chuckle, chuckle. it's always men, so i ignore him, and look to the woman they're with, and repeat my question. other times, after i say, hi, how are you?, the guest asks, do you really want to know? and all i can say nowadays, is: good point, two for dinner?

and brittney, i'm sure you can relate to this one: the holidays are the absolute worst. you have a solid month and a half of all the people coming in for work parties and whatnot, who would never otherwise eat in a restaurant, and therefore, don't know how to behave like a proper guest in a restaurant. thank god there are only three weeks left to go.

Do y'all have just plain tea, no lemon, no sugar?

Next time try "Hi! What are you?" and see if they're paying attention.

"We have to be at a movie in 45 minutes."

I haven't waited tables in a decade, but just seeing this phrase in print makes me want to punch someone.

What I love is when customers hit on the staff at restaurants.

Many moons ago when I was a bus boy and bar back at a restaurant in Annandale, VA, I had a bunch of drunk women hit on me. It turned out one of the bunch was getting married, and before hitting whatever male nudie joint drunk ladies hit back then they decided to tank up at my restaurant. They indicated that they wanted me to join their party using lots of slurring and innuendo. After politely declining their invitation, all I could think of was how to avoid them until they left.

Most guys who are reading this will probably try to say "You should have taken them up on it! I would have!" Bullshit, fellas. I didn't, and you wouldn't either. It was profoundly awkward.

The food service business can definitely be a drag.

(The photo on top of your page is from Nan Goldin, right? Her photos can be pretty intense.)

Hey, about your tailbone pain...do you get sharp pains that feel like the wind is getting knocked out of you? I had similar pain like this, and it turned out that I had a pulled hamstring of all things, but the pain was in my tailbone, it felt like. I may be way off here, but until you get to the doctor, try to strecth your legs and put ice under your hamstring. I know how that feels, it's a literal pain in the ass.

my only food service expeerience was working a pretzel stand at
eastgate mall when I was 16-17 or 18. customerrs would line up to buy these frozen pretzels dipped in acid to make them brown, then put in a toaster oven. I had one cute blond haired blue eyed little cutie who used to come buy a pretzel from me and stare at me the whole time she was in line.
I kept it up as long as I could, but my girlfriend (now wife) found out and got pissed, I was like we aren't married what's your problem!, she was like gonna get all ghetto and kick her ass. I was like "cool too hot chicks are fighting over me!" I didn't get much attention at home being number 7 of 8 kids, so it was like a dream come true!

I think it's super-lame that so many people treat their servers like dirt.

But I'm also going to interject here and say that I'm kind of impressed to know that there are people in Tennessee who are aware of the wild vs farmed salmon issue! Cool! (some of my friends have pretty much devoted their lives to raising awareness of the dangers of farmed salmon, so it's an issue kinda close to my heart.)

So what's the answer? I hope you serve wild salmon......

and I hope those fuckers learn some manners and start to ask YOU how your day is going. :)

erat - That is Nan Golden.

Sarah - Tennesseans are dumb and fat and uncultured like you've heard. But there are a large number of people who live here who are as smart and health-conscious and not total hicks. Nashville and Chattanooga have a higher number of bo-bos (bourgeouis bohemians) than you might think. I work at a vegetarian-friendly restaurant with an upscale clientele. LOTS of people ask me about the salmon.

And the answer your question we carry both. The salmon on the menu is farm raised, but we very often carry Wild Sockeye salmon as a special feature.

I always answer with "Good. How are you?" which seems to generate surprise.

I do love me some Diet Coke with lime, though...

Diet, schmiet. I'm holding out for some non-diet fruited coke. Or better yet, Jolt with lemon or lime!

I'm the asshole that asked about that Salmon.. I followed it up with a question about which ocean it was raised in. All of us Alaskans are like that.

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