There is an element of my job that makes me feel very lonely. Like I'm the teacher or the bartender or the camp counselor. There is a distance between me and everyone else just by virtue of the position. I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in.
I feel like I'm constantly being judged, and I guess I am. I don't know if I'll ever get used to finding scalding criticisms of my work in various coves of the internet. Or the letters with threats of calls to management.
I'm tired of reading these people's opinions. No offense to them, they constantly surprise me with their wit and insight, but boy, am I burned out. This group of writing is all I read anymore by and large. I come home thoroughly drained. Hell, I'm tired of my own opinion. I don't care what I care about anymore! I just want to read the paper again without having to form a bulletproof opinion on the issue at hand. I'd like to be able to write about my life, but it has sort of evaporated. Every single person I know knows about this blog. Every one. And if they don't they will soon enough. Can you say that about your own weblog?
I miss flying under the radar. It was therapeutic for me to write about my life, my troubles, my mishaps here. I don't feel like I can do that anymore. I mean, in reality, I shouldn't be writing this.
Obviously, I'm burned out. Oh, and I feel like a total asshole complaining about the blog job, just so you know. It's like when Cameron Diaz bemoans being too pretty. Makes you want to slap her, but that's the other part of my problem. I feel like no one understands. Who else does what I do? No one, really. Not in the same capacity. Just another reason why I feel lonely.
I need a vacation. Good news is I've got one coming soon.